One of my colleagues in office is on a mission to find a daughter-in-law for her only son. And she is looking for a girl who is extremely fair, slim, beautiful, tall, pleasing personality, well educated in the same field as his son, working in a reputed organization, good cook, from a respected and well settled family, and mind you the parents should also have good reputation and education..oh how can I forget same caste and the patri should match with good number of gund. Phew...That’s it….!!
Am sure, she would never find the girl she wants coz no such perfect girl exists. And yes, its not just her story, it’s the same with every mother on a mission to find a perfect girl for her dear son.
“Shes not as beautiful as my daughter.” Do you want to put her in the showcase?
“Shes well educated but I don’t know if she’ll take care of her home.” Then why do you want an educated girl?
And the anxious mothers go all around showing photographs and asking people as to who looks better of them all. How can I compare two individuals, all the unique. How can I tell by seeing, who is better? Can you..? Isn’t it so strange and illogical to reject a girl because her face looks more matured compared to her age?
Aren’t all of these conversations going on between the ladies of the family who come back after evaluating/ scanning/ screening girls?
Since, there is no girl who can match all the criterions perfectly, a girl, who’s the best after the entire search, enters the family. Now, this is where the problem begins. The mother has an image of her ideal daughter-in-law in which she tries to fit her actual daughter-in-law. Then comes the expectations, the girl gets on to the project of fulfilling them by losing herself or for certain things, for which nothing can be done, like her dark complexion, she has to hear about it as if it is her fault.
And surprisingly, our society has no criterion for the guys. If a girl has the guts to reject a guy, shes an idiot to let off such a nice rishta.
We argue that our society is patriarchal and so girls have to face all this. The irony is that even if every second girl in our country faces the whole process for being the bride, she is the one who has set criterion for the perfect girl. I hardly see guys having a defined criteria for girls coming in their family.
I wonder, why do girls add to the suffering of girls in our society. And even I, as a spectator, blindly and dumbly see people doing it. Today, I take on to atleast make the mothers present/ aware to whatever evaluations they are doing, how did they feel and is it actually important. The most important qualification for a girl is to be a good life partner and not a beautiful piece of matter.
Change will begin from us and I am committed to it. :)
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