An year without Ankur

Ha..I chose this peculiar topic to write on. J This phase of our life had many new wanted and unwanted things wrapped with it and my intent to write this is just to share my experience.

It was totally our decision to live 15,000 kms away for a year and am really thankful to both set of my parents to be supportive. No one asked us a question, relatives would have but, they handled it. We knew it was big cost life was asking for but, however, the belief that our future would be very close to what we had dreamt of gave us enough courage to take this decision.

We bid byes to each other on May 1 on the Delhi airport, and our journey of this life phase started.

It wasn’t easy for the first 2 months and it got tougher with each passing month. How much ever strong, patient and optimistic we were, sometimes emotions like uncertainty, incompleteness and anxiousness loomed over. Sharing some of the things I struggled with:-

Way apart time zones was a challenge, when one is at peace and back from work, other is gearing up to start the day. Connect was an issue. We missed sharing….sharing about our day, office, work, family, dreams, ambitions, spirituality, books, weekends, breakthroughs, breakdowns, new creations, etc. And the most difficult part, throwing tantrums and acting pricy didn’t make sense, it would take the other one 12 hours to react and come back to you. J

Soon after Ankur left, weekends were gloomy for me; I had nothing to do, no friends, no home chores, no coffee leisure, no travel, no weekend shopping, no movies, no eating out. Even though my parents tried spending time my way, it didn’t help much because they could not accustom to my interests and I felt out of the place in their social circle or activities.

Few months later, relatives and neighbours brought a new twist. They wanted to know, what our plans are, where would we settle, USA vs. India discussions started pouring in. Ankur’s relatives were also concerned about their intelligent and ‘laayak’ BOY cooking food and I being here and doing a job, it made no sense to them. I sometimes got highly frustrated with all sorts of questions and could not understand why people are so interested in my life…actually much more than I am. I now have a standard line for everyone, “You never know what happens in life. God has thought of it, we don’t want to waste time thinking and planning.”

I had never felt that living in your own home after marriage could be so difficult. I normally feel burdening them even after being a grown-up. Mom cooks food and my work schedules do not allow me to help her out. I could not spend time with them the way I had thought I would. I do not feel myself as a support to them.

Moreover, when I attend any family wedding or party, I feel very incomplete without Ankur. This is strange because I felt no transition when we got married and started being together. However, now, it feels as if some important part of me is missing. And now, I do not want to visit any family functions because firstly, I do not want to answer same questions for hundred different people and secondly, I do not enjoy myself without him. Also, I wish this be the last year when we are not together on our birthdays and anniversary.

Even though we had hard time this way, but am proud that our relationship never fell apart; we actually got closer to each other. We started understanding each other much more than before and the foundation of our relationship got stronger.

This time made us realize and brought many good things for our life too. And I am thankful that they came our way:-

• We have understood that sharing is one of the critical elements in our relationship. We know that we do need time with each other and can’t miss on it. We have, therefore, realized the importance of vacations and good weekend plans, which wasn’t on our radar till recently.
• Another thing that has come as a blessing is that I came very close to my in-laws; I got to know them better. I can now feel a different level of connect with them and we try to understand each other’s world. Am pleased to admit that this relationship has moved many levels up. This has been a lifetime gift.
• During this time, I took up reading so ardently. First time, I could see myself searching for good books and sharing my thoughts on them. This has been a gift.
• This time made us realize our courage, strength and patience. We started respecting and appreciating each other much more and unravelled many new behaviours of each other, both good and bad. Our acceptance for each other increased, more than we could have imagined.

This phase is yet another reinforcement of the fact that God has planned every phase of your life for some learning. I grew as a person - more mature, more patient, more bold, more caring, more spiritual, more responsible and more confident.

The time hasn’t been easy but its good to see both sides of things. J